Christine!!!

Happy Birthday Ms. Christine!!!

random thought

I can't even remember how this topic came up, but out of no where I asked this...

How is it that all these gang members worship god and jesus, get tatoos of the cross on themselves, wear the cross and what not, yet they still believe in violence and killing others.?

Pretty stupid if you ask me.

Break...

I should be studying at this point. As I was going through my lap top bag, I found this piece of paper that I would use to jot down quotes from TV shows. This was one of my favorite ones.

"Living inside your head with all those thoughts, they'll crush you. Make so that with those you love, your all alone. What could of happened?... What would of happened?... What you prayed didn't happen?... Did you make the right decision?... The only way to get out is to face what really did happen. Embrace it, own it, and the remedy will appear."

How I miss October Road. Now I will never find out who Sam's dad really is. ::thanks Niel for trying to find the whole season for me while you were in the Philippines::

Frustration

Dictionary.com defines frustration as

1. a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

That is where I am today. And where I have been the past few days. Ever since I got back from Canada, I have not been able to have normal dreams. And I have not been able to get a full good nights sleep for almost a week now. I have so many things juggling through my head. I was so scared to open my planner cause I was scared that if I looked at the dates, that they would just start juggling around. I have yet to put in the important dates cause I don't want to worry about that stuff yet til after Oct 1st.

I finally got a job, but I was scared that it was going to cut into my studying. But they understood and said I could come back on the 2ND. (one down). My friend's problems, but I got a call last night saying everything was resolved. (another one down). I think those were my main frustrations until today. My car dies. I had a feeling she was gonna kick rocks this morning when i couldn't get her to stay on. But my dumb ass still tried to drive her. Sure enough, as soon as i turned the corner, my steering wheel totally locks up and I'm forced to turn to the next road, barely missed hitting another car. Sure enough, she dies in the middle of a residential road. My frustration builds. So many things were running through my head at that point. "whats this going to cost me? How am I going to move my car?I SO DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW! How would I get to work? How am I going to get to Pasadena to take my test?" so sure enough i tried to start her again, she shakes and dies. So I tried to push the car myself... ugh yeah.. I'm not strong enough. So I called Niel, (went to look for cables and was on his way) EJ (since he owed me many favors, but he was in class), Matt (he was at work), and then Bobi (but his phone was off, but finally called me). I luckily got my car started somewhat just enough to move to the shade. Bobi finally shows and so did Niel. At the end of it all, it turns out something just drained my battery and it wasn't that i needed a new alternator or battery. So another frustration done.

Finally got to the library to study for another 5 hours. I can't wait til this is all done and i can start to work. As Niel puts it "he finally has a suga momma"... damn straight!

Ahhh...

I got this today from a friend of mine...

"but thanks for understanding all my problems :]
you've been so helpful with my process of getting over him.
seriously i always look back on our messages whenever
i start feeling sad or like. get that hint of confusion.
whenever i log on myspace i know this sounds dorky but i look forward to you response cause ur really an ate to me!!
i dont even think my friends know as much as you do hahaha
omg i was tellin my best friend how my "ate michelle" is datin a FULL FILIPINO boy who isn't into cars.. she was freaking out hahahahahhaha

i love it :] "

its good to know i left an impression on someone... i feel that my life is about 80% complete

A friend in need...

Tonight, totally random. We were going about our night at home til out of no where my phone rings. No one ever calls during my shows, so when niel told me who it was, i thought to myself... "thats kinda random? i wonder if that person was trying to kill the show for me" i tell him to answer it and he does and then he quickly gives it to me and says my friend is crying. i was like wtf? so i try to talk to my friend. and i hardly make out what they are saying. then they say they would call me back.

so i waited. went about my night. then around 11:04pm, my friend calls me saying "i need you" and without hesitation, i leave. i quickly got my stuff and niel got the car started and we left. so much drama... as i sat in the car pondering what could of happened, i couldn't help but think... "of all the people i have met, this person i know i could totally depend on if i ever needed anything, and vice versa. I asked niel if it took me long to get out of the house and he said no and it was a good thing he drove cause i would of drove like a mad lady on a freeway. i asked him if i should call their mom, but i wasnt sure. (now i know why i keep my friend's parents phone numbers). but i needed to retrace previous conversations i had with my friend about their parental issues. so i left it alone til we got there.

everything was a bit calmer now, story made more sense. tears were shed and wiped away. my friend already knew this, but now they know even more. That im always going to be their for you. Without hesitation, no second guesses, just tell me you need me to save you and im there.

Unforgetable...

June 6, 2008

is a date i will never forget

or forgive...

SO!!!

I go to the DMV today. I needed to get my tags taken care of. So as I'm sitting there waiting for C146 to be called, my eye catches someone walking towards my way. And in my head I was thinking "oh god, I know he is going to sit next to me" and sure enough... he does. Of all the freakin open seats at the DMV, he had to sit next to me. Its bad enough I get paranoid with all these people at the DMV, but to sit right next to me? So right away I call Niel just to keep me company and then Von calls me to rub it in my face that he is at Guppy House. Then they finally call my number. after waiting 15 min to get called, it took her less than 2 min to give me my tags. Then I got to thinking, I feel bad for these people that work at the DMV. They have the same routine every day. Type this, rip this, attach this, stamp this, give this... As the lady was doing my paper work, I noticed how its so routine for her. The way she takes apart the paper and tosses it so perfectly onto her tray, its so routine.

I finally get out of that joint. Did an errand for Niel and then washed my car. Then me and Niel met with Raine and Bobi for dinner at Guppy House (thanks Von). Then we caught up on my shows that I missed while I was gone. And I got to chat with Myke's girlfriend for a bit. I totally LOVE that girl. She is so much fun. Even though I only got to hang out with her for a week, it feels like I have known her for so long. I'm glad Myke has her. I'm glad Niel likes her. Imma make Raine like her! hahha... there was so much that happened today.. but its OK now. Niel talked me through it and its all good. Its no longer MY problem anymore. Its someone else's.

Let's Catch Up Soon...

so now that im back from canada, theres so much i need to take care of. im still feelin a bit overwhelmed. but its ok. its do able...

im really missin the chill weather and clean air from canada. i miss my cousin's and friends out there. my facebook has been totally blowin up since its really big out there in canada. most of the pictures have been put up. for the week that i have been there, i have taken a total of 900+ pictures. that there is alot. and thats just a week.

now its total study mode. but i do need to set some side for my lovers. i know i need to catch up definitely with Von and make sure he is doing well.

and then there's Phillip who i like so much. (dim sum soon?)

i need to see Ella since she did me such a great favor ::i have something for you::. she basically helped me put a smile on my loved ones face everyday.

i cant wait for October 1st to be over. super excited to see ciena, boo boo, Eva and who ever else comes down from Canada in November. totally miss them.

ugh and the dreaded time to look for a job... bleh.. then save enough to move out on my own...

so i know what im doing this all for... i already knew.. it just seems to grow more and more everyday...

Finally home...

So I'm finally home. Now it's back to bad air, dirty streets, rude ass people and study mode. My test date is soon approaching, but i can't feel but overwhelmed when i think about so much that i need to do. UGH... STUDY MODE... but I can tell you this, as much as i miss my cousins and new found "fil-can" friends (as boo boo mike would call them) I'm glad to be home. I missed Niel alot. Canada was such a great trip. It totally beats my Rome/Italy trip last year. I also miss my Italy cousins. And as I start to ponder... I have family all over the world!!! hahaha... at least i know i will always have a place to stay.

Things I know i have to do:

NCLEX

Jazmin's Baptismal

Ryan's Graduation

Ciena, Eva, and Boo boo come to visit Cali

Wedding in PI

Set date for Vegas Trip

Set date for Indio Trip

UGH.. SO MUCH TO DO!!!

but i know for a fact... I'm definitely gonna miss this:

thanks guys for hanging out with me every single day i was in canada

i totally love these girls


my "Fil-Can" Family & Friends

I apologize for many birthday greets I missed while I was gone...
Happy belated birthday Josie, Jose, & Marc

CANADA!!!

I'M TOTALLY LOVIN IT HERE!!!

Plane ride was awesome, walking around the airport was awesome, and my care package from my baby love was totally awesome!!! he totally hooked a gal up even though it was only a 3 hour flight...

::: Niel's care package :::

::: arrival to Vancouver :::

::: walking on to tum poles :::

::: getting gelato ice cream :::

::: eating Greek food :::

::: looking at downtown Vancouver @ night :::

And that was just on the day of my arrival. There will be more pictures but that will be placed on my myspace...

before i go...

too bad this trip couldn't be total relaxation... but oh well. so as i signed on this morning, i checked my messages and got one from a person that i have grown attached to in the past few months. its good to know that your advice helped changed a person for the better. its a good feeling to have to have someone look up to you. its a great feeling to have to just simply be loved. its good to know y0u helped a person see whats behind what ones true intentions are. I'm not saying I'm an expert at everything, but when it comes to reading a person... shit I'm on top of it. you could be blood or not, if i don't think your true intentions are good i will sure as hell let someone know...

on another note...

as i anxiously wait for the arrival of my baby love to come get me to take me to the airport, i cant help but think of how much I'm going to miss him. i know its only a week, but shoot.. that's a week ill never get back with him. but hey, if anyone really knows me, they know i cant sit still in one spot for long. i guess i need this vacation. relieve all the stress, drama, and issues. i cant wait to come back to his arms.

one week baby... its only a week... unlike someone who left for a month and 9 days...

Drained!!!

Totally drained today, or should i say yesterday?

My morning started off at 8:20 AM when i was suppose to meet Niel's mom to get the final fitting for my trip to Canada which i leave for tomorrow (Tuesday) at 7 AM. Then Niel took me to breakfast at the omelet house. we then went to target for more stuff for my trip. back to the dress shop to pick up the dress. then mami king for lunch. as soon as we get back to the house, quickly my tire catches my eye... sure enough.. another freakin flat tire. luckily this time his brother had AAA so it didn't take long to finish it... then we went about our errands. we then ended up at my new favorite place in the world that makes me super happy...

THE CONTAINER STORE!!!

FREAKIN LOVE THAT PLACE!!! SO MANY IDEAS!!! AND TO TOP IT OFF, THAT WAS MINE AND NIEL'S FIRST DATE! (i love you baby love!). i was on this mission to find this awesome container that holds both your cereal and milk but in separate containers. i told Niel about it so he could use it for work. as soon as i got into the store, i kid you not... i turned to my right and it was the first thing that caught my eye. i was super excited when i saw it.

i suggest this to all those that love to eat cereal on the go. and the best part, it comes with a fold up spoon!

we ended our night at The Block. spent most of the night walking around into other stores when all we really wanted to do was eat and go into Virgin Records. i was already tired and i should be sleeping now. Luckily i didn't nap, so I'm hoping to get back into my early sleeping routine.

CANADA HERE I COME!!!

date night #12392374236498263

The best part of my date nights... are the conversations. Today I totally felt complete. I have to admit it has been a while since me and Niel had a conversation like we normally do. I understand he is busy with work, and I get it. I just miss the talks that we usually have.

Today we had dinner at Mario's Italian restaurant. So as our conversation was going, someone caught my eye. So I glanced over and so did he. Then I did another look and so did the guy and he approaches me and says " do i know you from somewhere?" sure enough, i used to work with the guy. The whole time I was thinking to myself "damn whats his freakin first name?" i knew his last name but i could not recall his first. Since i had worked at the high school before, i only knew everyone by their last name. it was rare if i knew their first. So it was really awkward when i had to introduce him to Niel.

after that, we went to Huntington beach to watch "Bangkok Dangerous"... great movie, (Devin you did great!!!) ... i never seen a preview for that movie, but at least it was not a waste of money like tropic thunder.

at the end, me and Niel just continue having our normal conversations about everything and anything. i must admit, the conversations we have are amazing. its great to have a conversation with someone who understands totally where your coming from and vice versa.

On another note, i had alot of time to contemplate on who you would really want part of your life. I started to think about everyone and the situations they are in, who there friends are, and what their lifestyle is. i started to back track alot and realized, i let my guard down again. My walls are up again, good luck getting over. I might of helped you gained your happiness, been your shoulder to cry on, listen to you vent over and over about yourself, but I'm done now. This is not to just one person, but the few that I have noticed lately.

As Kurt Vonnegut, Jr once said: "Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on."

(kate you are precious to me and you complete me!!!)

300 Anaheim

We went to the new bowling ally at the Anaheim GardenWalk. Nice looking place. But of course very expensive.

321 W. Katella

Anaheim, Ca 92802

714-783-2810

well lit bowling lanes with huge tv screens that play music videos while you bowl

Pool tables along with other tables and chairs

When you first walk in your greeted by the host which then asks how many people and they input your names onto your lane. Then you are escorted to where you get your shoes and balls. They size your fingers for the ball and ask what weight you prefer. Then you are given your balls and shoes and escorted to your lane. You are then greeted by your host for the night. That person is basically your waitress/waiter. You order everything through that person. By the time your done with your game, your host rings you up and gives you the bill. You leave your bowling shoes and ball at the lane and pay the tab. There is also a private room there too but it must be a min of $400.

for more info go to 300anaheim.com

To kick off a new season...

Words of Wisdom from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. *

(thanks Cherish)
-----------
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

*Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen."