random thought

I can't even remember how this topic came up, but out of no where I asked this...

How is it that all these gang members worship god and jesus, get tatoos of the cross on themselves, wear the cross and what not, yet they still believe in violence and killing others.?

Pretty stupid if you ask me.

Break...

I should be studying at this point. As I was going through my lap top bag, I found this piece of paper that I would use to jot down quotes from TV shows. This was one of my favorite ones.

"Living inside your head with all those thoughts, they'll crush you. Make so that with those you love, your all alone. What could of happened?... What would of happened?... What you prayed didn't happen?... Did you make the right decision?... The only way to get out is to face what really did happen. Embrace it, own it, and the remedy will appear."

How I miss October Road. Now I will never find out who Sam's dad really is. ::thanks Niel for trying to find the whole season for me while you were in the Philippines::

Frustration

Dictionary.com defines frustration as

1. a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

That is where I am today. And where I have been the past few days. Ever since I got back from Canada, I have not been able to have normal dreams. And I have not been able to get a full good nights sleep for almost a week now. I have so many things juggling through my head. I was so scared to open my planner cause I was scared that if I looked at the dates, that they would just start juggling around. I have yet to put in the important dates cause I don't want to worry about that stuff yet til after Oct 1st.

I finally got a job, but I was scared that it was going to cut into my studying. But they understood and said I could come back on the 2ND. (one down). My friend's problems, but I got a call last night saying everything was resolved. (another one down). I think those were my main frustrations until today. My car dies. I had a feeling she was gonna kick rocks this morning when i couldn't get her to stay on. But my dumb ass still tried to drive her. Sure enough, as soon as i turned the corner, my steering wheel totally locks up and I'm forced to turn to the next road, barely missed hitting another car. Sure enough, she dies in the middle of a residential road. My frustration builds. So many things were running through my head at that point. "whats this going to cost me? How am I going to move my car?I SO DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW! How would I get to work? How am I going to get to Pasadena to take my test?" so sure enough i tried to start her again, she shakes and dies. So I tried to push the car myself... ugh yeah.. I'm not strong enough. So I called Niel, (went to look for cables and was on his way) EJ (since he owed me many favors, but he was in class), Matt (he was at work), and then Bobi (but his phone was off, but finally called me). I luckily got my car started somewhat just enough to move to the shade. Bobi finally shows and so did Niel. At the end of it all, it turns out something just drained my battery and it wasn't that i needed a new alternator or battery. So another frustration done.

Finally got to the library to study for another 5 hours. I can't wait til this is all done and i can start to work. As Niel puts it "he finally has a suga momma"... damn straight!

Ahhh...

I got this today from a friend of mine...

"but thanks for understanding all my problems :]
you've been so helpful with my process of getting over him.
seriously i always look back on our messages whenever
i start feeling sad or like. get that hint of confusion.
whenever i log on myspace i know this sounds dorky but i look forward to you response cause ur really an ate to me!!
i dont even think my friends know as much as you do hahaha
omg i was tellin my best friend how my "ate michelle" is datin a FULL FILIPINO boy who isn't into cars.. she was freaking out hahahahahhaha

i love it :] "

its good to know i left an impression on someone... i feel that my life is about 80% complete

A friend in need...

Tonight, totally random. We were going about our night at home til out of no where my phone rings. No one ever calls during my shows, so when niel told me who it was, i thought to myself... "thats kinda random? i wonder if that person was trying to kill the show for me" i tell him to answer it and he does and then he quickly gives it to me and says my friend is crying. i was like wtf? so i try to talk to my friend. and i hardly make out what they are saying. then they say they would call me back.

so i waited. went about my night. then around 11:04pm, my friend calls me saying "i need you" and without hesitation, i leave. i quickly got my stuff and niel got the car started and we left. so much drama... as i sat in the car pondering what could of happened, i couldn't help but think... "of all the people i have met, this person i know i could totally depend on if i ever needed anything, and vice versa. I asked niel if it took me long to get out of the house and he said no and it was a good thing he drove cause i would of drove like a mad lady on a freeway. i asked him if i should call their mom, but i wasnt sure. (now i know why i keep my friend's parents phone numbers). but i needed to retrace previous conversations i had with my friend about their parental issues. so i left it alone til we got there.

everything was a bit calmer now, story made more sense. tears were shed and wiped away. my friend already knew this, but now they know even more. That im always going to be their for you. Without hesitation, no second guesses, just tell me you need me to save you and im there.

Unforgetable...

June 6, 2008

is a date i will never forget

or forgive...

SO!!!

I go to the DMV today. I needed to get my tags taken care of. So as I'm sitting there waiting for C146 to be called, my eye catches someone walking towards my way. And in my head I was thinking "oh god, I know he is going to sit next to me" and sure enough... he does. Of all the freakin open seats at the DMV, he had to sit next to me. Its bad enough I get paranoid with all these people at the DMV, but to sit right next to me? So right away I call Niel just to keep me company and then Von calls me to rub it in my face that he is at Guppy House. Then they finally call my number. after waiting 15 min to get called, it took her less than 2 min to give me my tags. Then I got to thinking, I feel bad for these people that work at the DMV. They have the same routine every day. Type this, rip this, attach this, stamp this, give this... As the lady was doing my paper work, I noticed how its so routine for her. The way she takes apart the paper and tosses it so perfectly onto her tray, its so routine.

I finally get out of that joint. Did an errand for Niel and then washed my car. Then me and Niel met with Raine and Bobi for dinner at Guppy House (thanks Von). Then we caught up on my shows that I missed while I was gone. And I got to chat with Myke's girlfriend for a bit. I totally LOVE that girl. She is so much fun. Even though I only got to hang out with her for a week, it feels like I have known her for so long. I'm glad Myke has her. I'm glad Niel likes her. Imma make Raine like her! hahha... there was so much that happened today.. but its OK now. Niel talked me through it and its all good. Its no longer MY problem anymore. Its someone else's.

Let's Catch Up Soon...

so now that im back from canada, theres so much i need to take care of. im still feelin a bit overwhelmed. but its ok. its do able...

im really missin the chill weather and clean air from canada. i miss my cousin's and friends out there. my facebook has been totally blowin up since its really big out there in canada. most of the pictures have been put up. for the week that i have been there, i have taken a total of 900+ pictures. that there is alot. and thats just a week.

now its total study mode. but i do need to set some side for my lovers. i know i need to catch up definitely with Von and make sure he is doing well.

and then there's Phillip who i like so much. (dim sum soon?)

i need to see Ella since she did me such a great favor ::i have something for you::. she basically helped me put a smile on my loved ones face everyday.

i cant wait for October 1st to be over. super excited to see ciena, boo boo, Eva and who ever else comes down from Canada in November. totally miss them.

ugh and the dreaded time to look for a job... bleh.. then save enough to move out on my own...

so i know what im doing this all for... i already knew.. it just seems to grow more and more everyday...

Finally home...

So I'm finally home. Now it's back to bad air, dirty streets, rude ass people and study mode. My test date is soon approaching, but i can't feel but overwhelmed when i think about so much that i need to do. UGH... STUDY MODE... but I can tell you this, as much as i miss my cousins and new found "fil-can" friends (as boo boo mike would call them) I'm glad to be home. I missed Niel alot. Canada was such a great trip. It totally beats my Rome/Italy trip last year. I also miss my Italy cousins. And as I start to ponder... I have family all over the world!!! hahaha... at least i know i will always have a place to stay.

Things I know i have to do:

NCLEX

Jazmin's Baptismal

Ryan's Graduation

Ciena, Eva, and Boo boo come to visit Cali

Wedding in PI

Set date for Vegas Trip

Set date for Indio Trip

UGH.. SO MUCH TO DO!!!

but i know for a fact... I'm definitely gonna miss this:

thanks guys for hanging out with me every single day i was in canada

i totally love these girls


my "Fil-Can" Family & Friends

I apologize for many birthday greets I missed while I was gone...
Happy belated birthday Josie, Jose, & Marc

CANADA!!!

I'M TOTALLY LOVIN IT HERE!!!

Plane ride was awesome, walking around the airport was awesome, and my care package from my baby love was totally awesome!!! he totally hooked a gal up even though it was only a 3 hour flight...

::: Niel's care package :::

::: arrival to Vancouver :::

::: walking on to tum poles :::

::: getting gelato ice cream :::

::: eating Greek food :::

::: looking at downtown Vancouver @ night :::

And that was just on the day of my arrival. There will be more pictures but that will be placed on my myspace...