Update?

So i started working at a home health company doing office stuff. its got its advantages i guess. at least it keeps me occupied for the time being til the results of my boards comes in, which by the way should be comin in hopefully next week. seriously killin me here.



so october is coming to an end. plans? many... oktoberfest on saturday thats for sure. ive been wanting to go, just never found the time or the right person to go with.



november is what i cant wait for... so many things are planned just for the first week, which happens to be niel's birthday week. i cant wait. i have so much planned for his week. just the cost i need to take care of. but it will totally beat out richie's vegas plan with his gf.

ahh and how i missed hearing from philip. "i cant wait for your birthday dinner!" and i get paid on that day too!

So?

My weekend kinda felt vague. I felt that I needed to do something, like study or something. I can't seem to shake off the idea that I'm free. So I'm trying to plan out my trip do Disneyland. Along with that, there are more things I need to handle or I should say "plan".

So far for October:

Ian's daughters baptismal/birthday

Jeanette's birthday @ Rockin Taco Cantina

Halloween

November:

Arrival of the Fil-Can friends

BIRTHDAY WEEK FOR NIEL BEGINS!

Disneyland!!!

Niel's birthday

BIRTHDAY WEEK FOR NIEL ENDS...

Anniversary Date

BIRTHDAY WEEK FOR ME BEGINS!

Thanksgiving

BIRTHDAY WEEK FOR ME ENDS...

So far this is what i got for the 2 months.

Nick and Norah

AWESOME MOVIE!!! 

just waiting on Niel to hurry up and get dressed so we can eat and watch another movie... but Nick and Norah's infinite play list.. definitely a must see...

Relieved...

finally... done... no more 8 hour study trips to the library... no more late night sessions... no more stress... finally can go out without stressing on what i need to read or what lab values to memorize... DONE ::for now:: ahhh...

now just got to wait...

finally can go on a date and just relax...

Christine!!!

Happy Birthday Ms. Christine!!!

random thought

I can't even remember how this topic came up, but out of no where I asked this...

How is it that all these gang members worship god and jesus, get tatoos of the cross on themselves, wear the cross and what not, yet they still believe in violence and killing others.?

Pretty stupid if you ask me.

Break...

I should be studying at this point. As I was going through my lap top bag, I found this piece of paper that I would use to jot down quotes from TV shows. This was one of my favorite ones.

"Living inside your head with all those thoughts, they'll crush you. Make so that with those you love, your all alone. What could of happened?... What would of happened?... What you prayed didn't happen?... Did you make the right decision?... The only way to get out is to face what really did happen. Embrace it, own it, and the remedy will appear."

How I miss October Road. Now I will never find out who Sam's dad really is. ::thanks Niel for trying to find the whole season for me while you were in the Philippines::

Frustration

Dictionary.com defines frustration as

1. a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

That is where I am today. And where I have been the past few days. Ever since I got back from Canada, I have not been able to have normal dreams. And I have not been able to get a full good nights sleep for almost a week now. I have so many things juggling through my head. I was so scared to open my planner cause I was scared that if I looked at the dates, that they would just start juggling around. I have yet to put in the important dates cause I don't want to worry about that stuff yet til after Oct 1st.

I finally got a job, but I was scared that it was going to cut into my studying. But they understood and said I could come back on the 2ND. (one down). My friend's problems, but I got a call last night saying everything was resolved. (another one down). I think those were my main frustrations until today. My car dies. I had a feeling she was gonna kick rocks this morning when i couldn't get her to stay on. But my dumb ass still tried to drive her. Sure enough, as soon as i turned the corner, my steering wheel totally locks up and I'm forced to turn to the next road, barely missed hitting another car. Sure enough, she dies in the middle of a residential road. My frustration builds. So many things were running through my head at that point. "whats this going to cost me? How am I going to move my car?I SO DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW! How would I get to work? How am I going to get to Pasadena to take my test?" so sure enough i tried to start her again, she shakes and dies. So I tried to push the car myself... ugh yeah.. I'm not strong enough. So I called Niel, (went to look for cables and was on his way) EJ (since he owed me many favors, but he was in class), Matt (he was at work), and then Bobi (but his phone was off, but finally called me). I luckily got my car started somewhat just enough to move to the shade. Bobi finally shows and so did Niel. At the end of it all, it turns out something just drained my battery and it wasn't that i needed a new alternator or battery. So another frustration done.

Finally got to the library to study for another 5 hours. I can't wait til this is all done and i can start to work. As Niel puts it "he finally has a suga momma"... damn straight!

Ahhh...

I got this today from a friend of mine...

"but thanks for understanding all my problems :]
you've been so helpful with my process of getting over him.
seriously i always look back on our messages whenever
i start feeling sad or like. get that hint of confusion.
whenever i log on myspace i know this sounds dorky but i look forward to you response cause ur really an ate to me!!
i dont even think my friends know as much as you do hahaha
omg i was tellin my best friend how my "ate michelle" is datin a FULL FILIPINO boy who isn't into cars.. she was freaking out hahahahahhaha

i love it :] "

its good to know i left an impression on someone... i feel that my life is about 80% complete

A friend in need...

Tonight, totally random. We were going about our night at home til out of no where my phone rings. No one ever calls during my shows, so when niel told me who it was, i thought to myself... "thats kinda random? i wonder if that person was trying to kill the show for me" i tell him to answer it and he does and then he quickly gives it to me and says my friend is crying. i was like wtf? so i try to talk to my friend. and i hardly make out what they are saying. then they say they would call me back.

so i waited. went about my night. then around 11:04pm, my friend calls me saying "i need you" and without hesitation, i leave. i quickly got my stuff and niel got the car started and we left. so much drama... as i sat in the car pondering what could of happened, i couldn't help but think... "of all the people i have met, this person i know i could totally depend on if i ever needed anything, and vice versa. I asked niel if it took me long to get out of the house and he said no and it was a good thing he drove cause i would of drove like a mad lady on a freeway. i asked him if i should call their mom, but i wasnt sure. (now i know why i keep my friend's parents phone numbers). but i needed to retrace previous conversations i had with my friend about their parental issues. so i left it alone til we got there.

everything was a bit calmer now, story made more sense. tears were shed and wiped away. my friend already knew this, but now they know even more. That im always going to be their for you. Without hesitation, no second guesses, just tell me you need me to save you and im there.